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I’ve spoken to so many of my people on the same journey that have said they’ve completely given up on OKCupid and other sites as options for the aforementioned reasons.
Falling short of this expectation is viewed by many African American women as a personal failure. Romero have presented, it would seem that black women would avoid spaces like OKC for a few reasons.
One is the feeling that this particular app isn’t meant for us.
Even while writing this article, I have a hard time saying it, admitting that I need help in the love department. Online dating ups the amount of vulnerability involved because it’s there for the world to see.
In Melissa Harris Perry’s , she talks about Black women and our relationship to shame.
I even rebooted my OKC profile, changed my pic (I cut my dreadlocs off in 2012 and I thought it was deceiving to still have that picture up) and headed off into the world of dating algorithms.
I now have a history of adding and deleting my Ok Cupid account because whenever I’m on there it always matches me with some with lesbian who is hanging off the side of a mountain in her profile picture.
This means that they are validated, admired and praised based on how they behave, not on who they are.” So how then can this translate to something as simple as opening oneself up on a dating site?
To me it connects to this quote from psychologist Regina Romero: Society expects the African American to handle losses, traumas, failed relationships and the dual oppressions of racism and sexism.
This is something that, as a whole, many African-Americans have a hard time doing.
When put in dating terms, what that really says is “I don’t want my face appearing on a dating site because then people will think I can’t get a date and trust me, I am too fly for that to be the case.” While I can’t speak for the whole of black lesbians everywhere and while acknowledging that we’re not a monolithic group anyway, I definitely feel connected to what my friend was saying.
We’re all so busy and these busy schedules prevent us from having enough social time to meet dateable people and online sites have become the alternative, especially when it comes to finding someone special and not just hooking up.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating