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Don’t try to justify what you’ve done by saying you were only looking. Trust has been broken and you have to acknowledge that if you are going to move on.2 SIT DOWN AND TALKDon’t get caught in a shouting match or slink away and say nothing. Respect that difference of opinion.4 ASK TOUGH QUESTIONSAsk yourself why you did it? Those are the issues which you need to address, maybe by changing jobs or being honest about how your partner treats you.5 TAKE IT SLOWLY Regain intimacy slowly, advises marriage counsellor Andrew G. Women talk about wanting to be touched, and men often want sex – which will be the end result for women – but you have to rediscover the pathway to that.It can just be making the time to kiss and cuddle on the sofa – it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
Take Siobhan, for example, who realised she had let things go too far when she found herself sitting in a coffee shop just outside Leeds with a man she had started swapping messages with via an app. The only problem is that it has made me realise how unhappy I am in my marriage.
Married with three children, the 38-year-old hospital administrator had taken a look online during a night out with girlfriends.‘We’d been talking about signing up for a laugh and seeing what all these men looked like,’ she says. I have a husband who isn’t here, and there are so many men out there who I could enjoy a much more fulfilling relationship with.’So why do people continue to take the risk?
In the past six months, our department has seen an almost 50 per cent increase in enquiries triggered by married people who have caught their spouses browsing dating apps such as Tinder.
And, judging by the cases I’ve handled, it’s not only husbands who are straying – it’s the wives had discovered Helena’s secret one afternoon when she was distracted away from her i Pad by the doorbell.
’After four months, she agreed to meet the man at a coffee shop. ‘When I called back the following day, it was a woman warning me to stay away from her husband. My husband could so easily have found out and that would have been the end of things.’Even though many women do not get caught out, the impact on their marriage can be long-lasting. But any responsible solicitor should always advise couples to try to find a way to reconcile their differences, perhaps through counselling or just talking to one another.
Karen got a terrible shock when a friend rang her to say he had spotted her profile picture on Tinder.‘I’d signed up to the site because my husband works away a lot and I was just at home, fed up,’ she says. Equally it is important to remember that what you see online and what happens in reality are two different things. The reality of Generation Swipe and the inexorable slide towards divorce is fathomlessly painful.
It was not an envelope stuffed with grainy photos of some seedy tryst.
Instead, he had the very modern and very real equivalent: a screen-shot of his wife’s profile on a dating website.
Their marriage was the latest victim of what I now describe as Generation Swipe.
As head of family law at a solicitors’ firm, Gorvin's Solicitors, I have become used to being handed computer printouts and hard drives packed with website screen-shots from clients who have been deeply wounded by their partner’s social-media activity.
I know she hadn’t physically been with another man but it was the secretive way it had gone on for months, and the fact that on some level she was looking for that kind of attention from someone else that I just couldn’t get over.’ As head of family law at a solicitors’ firm, I have become used to being handed computer printouts and hard drives packed with website screen-shots from clients who have been deeply wounded by their partner’s social-media activity There may well be some people who believe such behaviour, although regrettable, is hardly a reason to call time on a relationship. But it is, says Ammanda Major, head of service quality and clinical practice at marriage counselling service Relate.‘People do it behind their partner’s back, perhaps when bored, in need some comfort, or after a row with their partner,’ she says.‘So it is underhanded.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating