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And if it means you have to dial down your attraction from a 10 to a 7, in order to find an emotionally healthy guy, that’s a price well worth paying. But that’s not normal, it’s not healthy, and it will leave you no dating options whenever you do decide to take your love life seriously again.
That may sound awful to you on two counts: 1) you refuse to compromise on chemistry, and 2) you don’t think that a 7 chemistry actually exists.
I’m not a psychologist who has been trained to delve into your past; my specialty is helping women in the present model confident behavior to elicit better results in the future.
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You seem to be somewhat aware of this when you state that you walk away from emotionally distant men – and yet you claim they’re the only people you sleep with, since the “vast, vast, vast” majority of men are unattractive to you. I agree, she’s self-aware and right to be concerned if that hindera her goals.
And here you are, writing to me, wondering if you will ever be able to love anyone. I can’t “fix” you from here, but I can tell you that something is very wrong if you only find 2 people attractive “every few years.” There’s being discerning, and there’s being impossible, and you’ve unfortunately raised the bar so high that no man can jump it. I’m just bracing for some of the responses that are coming.
Women, on the whole, are far more discerning than men when it comes to physical attraction.
In the linked Ok Cupid study, women think that 80% of men are BELOW average in attractiveness, when, in a normal distribution, that number should be 50%.
Let’s just say that this wasn’t one of my success stories.
And this is where we bump up against one of my limitations of a coach.Just read what you wrote to me: “(I) avoid intimacy by going out with people I don’t find attractive.” Sorry, but I want to challenge that assertion.You avoid intimacy by going out with people you DO find attractive – because the only people you find attractive are, in your words, “cold and narcissistic.” That begins in your childhood, SG, usually with an absent, distant, or abusive father. The only men you’re drawn to are the worst ones; the other 99%, you eliminate because you’re not attracted to them.I’m a good-looking guy, so I know my looks are not the problem.But every time I try talking to a girl, getting close to a girl, or try to take “dating” to the next level, it never works out.I have tried being with people I don’t find attractive – and I usually remain friends with very nice men I have tried to date but didn’t find attractive, and I’m afraid they don’t start growing on me. Have you come across this and do you think the reason I find so many men physically unappealing is because of something psychological? After all of your therapy, you are as self-aware as you can be, and yet it still seems to me that you have some significant blind spots about your problem.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating