Long dating honeymoon phase rules for dating a guy
In time, this love generally morphs into companionate love, a less impassioned blend of deep affection and connection. The partner has probably not changed very much, but your chemical high has worn off and now you’re facing reality. Because, although we may not realize it, we are biologically hard-wired to crave variety.
The reason is that human beings are, as more than a hundred studies show, prone to hedonic adaptation, a measurable and innate capacity to become habituated or inured to most life changes.” Yep. Variety and novelty affect the brain in much the same way that drugs do — that is, they trigger activity that involves the neurotransmitter dopamine, as do pharmacological highs.”“When married couples reach the two-year mark, many mistake the natural shift from passionate love to companionate love for incompatibility and unhappiness.
That's when shit starts to get real and you can really decide if the person you're dating is the person you want to give the privilege of entering as "life partner" in your phone. This is okay, because you can always go have Thai food with your friends and he can always go see Expendables 3 with his friends. You would rather spend the night at your own apartment than go to the trouble of packing an overnight bag to stay at his place..if it means *yikes* not seeing each other for a night. All women know that guys usually freak out at the first sign of "overly emotional," so we make our best effort to keep our insecurities and panic attacks at bay during those first blissful twelve months (I think I only made it to seven months).
I know at times it can be alarming and it might put you in panic-mode about whether a break up is right around the corner, but it's actually a good thing when it starts to fade away. Gone are the days of going to see a movie, because you know your significant other really wants to see it or eating Ethiopian food even though it tastes like nothing. One of you (and not to be sexist, but it's generally the female in a relationship) starts letting the crazy emerge.
But the NYT says it a lot better: “When love is new, we have the rare capacity to experience great happiness while being stuck in traffic or getting our teeth cleaned. Then, as if propelled by autonomic forces, our expectations change, multiply or expand and, as they do, we begin to take the new, improved circumstances for granted.” You’ve seen this before.
We are in the throes of what researchers call passionate love, a state of intense longing, desire and attraction. You start to criticize the same partner you were blindly in love with before. “WHY, then, is the natural shift from passionate to companionate love often such a letdown?
A recent New York Times article told us something we already knew, but don’t like to hear: Newlyweds enjoy a big happiness boost that lasts, on average, for just two years.
Of course, you may have heard that once or twice from me.
When something novel occurs, we tend to pay attention, to appreciate the experience or circumstance, and to remember it.
We are less likely to take our marriage for granted when it continues to deliver strong emotional reactions in us.” And there you have it.
Instead of falling into the traps set by biology – because we’re not programmed for monogamy – you have to accept the fact that the intoxicating high does not last for a lifetime.
That’s okay, as long as you and your partner are on the same page and are committed to keeping things fun, interesting, and surprising for the rest of your life.
Quick anecdote: we were just a month shy of the one year mark.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating