Validating people over 30s dating

Validation occurs when we confirm, mostly through words, that other people can have their own emotional experiences.

A simple statement like, “It must be difficult and painful to have something like that occur,” can be validating.

validating people-4

Validating people

But as much as you may succeed in getting others to approve of you, as long as you are judging yourself you will continue to feel badly about yourself.

All feelings are informational, letting you know when you are abandoning yourself with your self-judgments and various addictions, and when others are being uncaring toward you and disconnected from you.

How To Validate Yourself In order to validate yourself, you need to start to notice two things: Judging yourself is the opposite of validating yourself, and creates much inner pain and insecurity.

Self-judgment is generally a form of control to get yourself to do things "right" so that others will validate you and approve of you.

Saying to someone, “I understand,” is typically not helpful and tends to minimize their feelings.

How can we possibly understand what someone else is going through even if we have had a similar experience?” “It appears to me that you felt very disrespected in this situation.” “It must be difficult to have so much sadness around this issue.” “I’m sensing that this brought up real feelings of betrayal.” “Tell me if I have it correct.What I heard you say was my statement was very hurtful towards you and it is not the first time you have felt this way.” “Let me make sure I’ve got this straight.If your parents also validated their own feelings, perceptions and so on, then you are extremely fortunate, as you likely learned to do this for yourself from their role modeling.However, if your parents did not validate you or themselves, then the chances are that not only do you not know how to do this for yourself, but you don't even know that it is your responsibility to validate yourself.Since we don’t know for sure what the person is feeling, use words that are gentle and open to possibilities.

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